7 Principles - Focus
Ever noticed that when things are going well, we seem to attract great opportunities, things seem to fall into our lap, and the people around us appear to be happy, cooperative and ready to help? If things haven’t been going so well, you have also probably noticed that the opposite seems to be true, with one thing after the other seeming to go badly. Have you ever wondered why? It has been my observation with my own life, and of the many clients, I work with, including colleagues, friends, and relations, that whatever we focus on seems to expand in direct proportion to the focus we give it. By focus I mean the time and headspace we use to think about ‘something’ and how we share it with others. “Shifting your focus doesn’t stop difficulties, traumas, and tragedies happen. What it can do is enable us to feel better resourced to deal with them.”
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7 Principles - Forgiveness
You can choose to let go of guilt and pain by forgiving others, forgiving yourself and taking the path of personal empowerment. Many of the clients I see are holding on to hurts and resentments from their childhood. All of us want and need to be loved. We tie ourselves in knots to achieve the recognition and gain the love of our parents. The problem for most of us is we create a rulebook about how that love should be shown. Unless it manifests itself exactly as it is in our rulebook, we don’t believe that it exists. Our parents and our partners don’t have the same rulebook as we do, so they show love as it is written in their own personal rulebook. There is often a mismatch. As a result, there is a great deal of misunderstanding and hurting going on.
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7 Principles - Gratitude
Gratitude is such a powerful and positive emotion, it can act as an antidote to sadness, depression and frustration. It has the capacity to recalibrate the brain, to help it focus on the good things in your life rather than negativity. In our busy lives it is so easy to go through the day without noticing how many wonderful experiences are open to us on a regular basis. Our focus is often taken up with trying to achieve, worrying about money, or what others will think. Time appears to go faster as we go round and round in the hamster wheel we call life. Gratitude on the other hand is timeless and requires nothing other than our attention.
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7 Principles - Permission
When you think about doing something, whose opinion do you value the most? Do you think about how others will judge you or do you do things simply because you know they are right for you? Identifying whose permission you consider first offers a useful insight into the level of freedom and responsibility you give yourself. Whose permission do you seek? Permission comes in many forms. You may have “that” voice in your head, which is in reality your mother’s, your father’s or that of a friend or your boss. It may be the thought of what everyone else will think which governs your decisions or it may be your sense of worth and what you believe you deserve. Whose permission do you seek? Do you allow yourself to truly thrive and shine? (see the poem below). Ask yourself the following questions. Be honest with yourself. Do you give yourself permission to treat yourself as well as you do others? How easy do you find it to say no even when you really want to? Do you give yourself permission to be vulnerable or ask for help when you need it? Do you give yourself permission to be creative, loving, courageous, magnificent, playful, powerful, to treat yourself with respect? What permission do you give others? Do you allow them to treat you like a doormat, a child, an emotional or physical punch bag? Giving yourself permission may be a completely new concept for you. Maybe it’s time to give yourself permission to rethink and to make some changes. Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
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7 Principles - Perspective
Do you see the old crone or the glamorous young lady wearing a hat? The picture is the same but the perspectives are in deep contrast. Life is no different. Interestingly those who can only see one of the two ladies in the first instance have no trouble identifying both as soon as they know that two perspectives exist within the picture. How do you see yourself? What is your perspective on life? Perspectives colour every relationship, every situation, every decision we make. Our perceptions are based on what we believe and these become hotwired into our very being. Perspective = Quality of Life Your perspective creates your reality and has the capacity to enhance or ruin the quality of your life. It can mean the difference between freedom and imprisonment, as it was for Nelson Mandela, or between the sense of lack and empowerment as it is with my wheelchair. Once we create a perspective it is usual to then interpret everything that then happens in the same light as our initial perspective, and positions become entrenched. “Just being aware that there are a range of different perspectives, all of which are valid, can help.” “Chariots On Fire” shares some of my story and the strategies I have used to ensure I feel empowered and free despite the physical challenges I have faced since a serious ski accident in 1983. The title of my book demonstrates what I mean perfectly when I describe how our perception has the power to make us feel like the victim or the person who is in control. When people see me in my wheelchair I have often been given sympathy. People will pat me, tell me I’m brave, and in doing so have expressed their belief that the wheelchair is a thing of lack. Of course I wouldn’t choose to be disabled but my electric chair is not the problem, its part of the solution. For me it is my “Chariot On Fire”! It is my enabler, my tool to empower my mobility and one that opens the door to independence, to travel, and to racing around at speed rather than being limited to how far I can walk. Changing your perspective Perspectives can be changed very easily if you are open to the possibility that everything and every situation can be seen from a range of different perspectives. What we see at ground level is very different to the view we have from the top of a building. The perspective we operate within any relationship has the power to change things enormously for good or not. Let me share a very common example: Clients often carry a great deal of baggage about their parents. It is very common for clients to describe a parent as “controlling, critical” and that “nothing is good enough, they say that I can do better”. Their perception of the relationship is very negative, it has eroded their sense of self worth and they blame their parents. They are in victim mode. When we explore how their parent may view their behaviour towards their child there is often a very different feel to the situation. Clients start to see that there is potentially a very different explanation: That Mum or Dad is a loving parent who doesn’t want their child to waste any potential, doesn’t want make the same mistakes as they did, who wants the best for them. Another possibility is that the parent in question simply didn’t have the inner resources or tools to do things differently because of their upbringing. Just being aware that there are a range of different perspectives, all of which are valid, can help clients to reassess their parents motives, and as a result their relationship improves. Most importantly the client stops seeing themselves as the victim. Once you realise that perceptions can be changed, that it is your choice to question your initial perceptions, you have the freedom to feel trapped or empowered. For more information on the main principles and on perspective, get in touch with Gina
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7 Principles - Playfulness
Watch young children or animals play and you see them learning about themselves and the world. Their confidence develops as they learn and when they fail, adjust their approach and try again. There is no sense of failing, simply an enormous enthusiasm and sense of joy when they achieve. It is an approach that works incredibly effectively – you only have to watch babies approach the process of learning to walk. No matter how many times they fall down they simply get up and try again. There is no emotional baggage around not succeeding first time, they don’t care what other’s think, fear of failure is a non issue and they move from their first tentative steps to competent walkers who can run, skip, jump and climb in very short order.
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